At first, for the most part, I was dealing with stress because of our upcoming move to Texas. Then, I was dealing more with chaos as a result of our impending move to Texas. Now, it’s mainly grief over the goodbyes we had to say because of our move to Texas.
As I said, third verse; same song.
Saying “anything” to God is not always easy. In fact, it can be downright painful.
It’s hard to leave a city with a great downtown and interesting restaurants, good weather, and rolling hills near the mountains.
It’s hard to walk away from a church that feels like home–a place where men and women have poured into me and my family in large measures, where I have so often worshiped God, studied His Word in depth, and prayed with others.
It’s hard to say goodbye to a community of like-minded women, like the women in my homeschool co-op or like a few other friends I recently started to get to know who share so many of the same interests with me. These are women I can talk to about struggles, and they will understand because they are going through many of the same ones. They are women I admire and want to be like. Although I haven’t had as much time with them, we grew together quickly due to our shared interests and ways of looking at life. I know our friendships would have gone deeper and deeper if I had been able to stay. Our kids’ friendships would have become closer and closer.
It is hard to lose the nearness of longtime close friends. Ten years is the longest unbroken time of friendship I’ve had with any friend–ten years of living life with the same person–and that is what I had with two friends in Knoxville. These girls became like sisters to me; our kids were like cousins. As none of us had family in Knoxville, we became family for each other.
I can’t count the times I have broken down crying over the loss of it all. Anyone who has made a big move like this knows what I’m saying, has felt what I’m feeling.
But I didn’t walk away from all of this on a whim. Greg and I did this as a result of saying “anything” to God. And Jesus said, “He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 10:39) and “everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life” (Matt. 19:29).
He is worth it. He is worth any pain He asks us to endure (and at times He asks us to endure much, much worse than what I’m undergoing). He has been good to me in my past moves, He has been good in this move (the stories of His goodness in this move just keep piling up), and He will be good to me again because He IS good. He always has been and always will be good and worthy of anything I can give Him. May I never hold anything back from Him that He wants me to give (like I often do). May I always remember His worth.
“You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me” (Psalm 40:11).