Is God Digging Pride out of Your Soul?
Have you ever had God dig some pride out of your soul?
He does this to me a lot–I guess I need it greatly. I do often invite Him to take His Lion claws like in C. S. Lewis’ The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and tear away my dragon flesh, the thick scales I can’t peel off on my own, leaving me the way He wants me to be–the humble human in His image.
I was humming along week after week, depending on God for words to write in this blog, and sure enough, He faithfully provided, sometimes giving me the feeling of words being downloaded through my fingers into my WordPress document. Until He didn’t. I felt my failure keenly. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been spending enough time in His Word. Maybe it was to make me more dependent on Him, lessening my pride. Maybe it was for a reason I don’t know. At any rate, “the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).
I usually like to fulfill my word. If I say I’m going to do something, I don’t like to let a person down, especially when that someone is in need. At the end of this summer, though, I backed out of my commitment to tutor in my homeschool community when I realized the emotional and physical demands I would mostly likely be feeling as a foster parent in a few months. I left my director with no one to take my place, and that already overloaded woman almost had to take the position herself–praise the Lord that He provided someone excellent to step up in her place at the last minute. I knew I was following God when I told my director I couldn’t do the work after all, but how I felt my failure anyway, especially since I wished I could’ve figured it all out sooner. My pride of being responsible and dependable crashed. However, we must follow God’s call, even if doing so means disappointing someone else.
I’ve been homeschooling my kids since my oldest, now in 5th grade, was in preschool. They’ve been successful at learning, and they have achieved honors (probably mostly thanks to those beautiful brains they inherited from their philosophical father), but it became painfully apparent this past year that I wasn’t the best match for my daughter as her teacher. We researched and found an ideal fit for her in a tiny, Christian, classical school. She told me today she used to hate school but now she loves school. I’m ever so happy for her that she’s flourishing in this new place, but ouch! That school she hated was mine. I feel the failure again, and my pride sorely hurts. How I wanted to be enough for her, for all my children. However, I need to get to the point when I can join my voice in with Paul’s: “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (II Cor. 12:9).
If Paul was given a “thorn in the flesh” (II Cor. 12:7) to keep him from exalting himself, I can probably expect to continue to receive from God’s hands ways to keep me from doing the same. I don’t enjoy these one bit–in fact, they usually sting–but I welcome them all the same because I long to please God, and I know that His Word instructs “all of you, [to] clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (I Pet. 5:5). In fact, grace is exactly what I need.
Thank you so much for this post. Again, I’m overwhelmed with His majesty and how God guided you, and doing so, used your words to speak to my heart, as well. Thank you.
Praise God that He used it—it was my prayer that He would use it somehow!
Heather, this is just what I needed to read today, thank you. Going through a similar season, where I have to work to remember God’s promises. He’s given me a glimpse of a tree of life (Prov. 13:12) so I know He will bring me back to it when my thick scales have been removed. God has given you such eloquence to speak calm in others’ storms. Grateful for you. — Rosemarie
Thank you, Rosemarie! I’m sorry you’re in a difficult season, and I pray He will take those scales off soon!
Beautiful Heather. We can be so much more sane and useful to the Lord and our families when we aren’t doing all the things we weren’t designed to do. I have experienced some of the same. Hard but good “no’s” are magnificent things in the long run. Thanks for your words!
Thank you, Janet. Yes, I’m even experiencing some of the beauty of the “no” now. Before we start fostering I have a little more time to pour into our homeschool community in other ways that can stop when life gets busy with fostering.
Being humbled is so hard. After the sting of it fades, we often see where it was good for us–but in the moment. Thank the Lord for even His grace in this. And thanks for always be real.
Yes, it is hard, but it is good for me!
For those of us that want to do everything right and be our best at ALL things, admitting that we need to pass on a task to someone that can do it better is a bitter pill. I’m not saying that this is you, Heather. I’m confessing how I would have felt–how I have felt in similar circumstances. Thank you for being brave enough to confess your weaknesses and to remind us that God can make us perfect, but it will be in His time.
Yes, this is me. I don’t mind so much passing it on to someone who can do it better—but I hate failing and putting burdens on others.
I need this reminder so often. The world keeps spinning. Everything in life does not depend on me. Thanks for sharing!
It sure feels like it all depends on us sometimes! It’s a good thing it doesn’t!
Thank you for your honest post, Heather! I’m like you in that I’d rather overburden myself than to let someone down. It’s taken me a long time to learn to say ‘no,’ and I’m still reluctant to do so. Someone in my Sunday School often reminds us busy moms that sometimes saying ‘no,’ – when we feel that it’s God’s will for us to say no – that it opens up the door for someone else to receive the blessing when they take on that responsibility. Praying for your fostering journey – May God bless your family as you prepare and as you begin that new path.
Thank you, Julie! These are some wise words, and I appreciate your prayers.
Heather, I appreciate the way you honestly shared this issue that many of us face. The verb “digging” works well because sometimes we’re reluctant to cooperate with God’s work and it takes some digging. Pride and people-pleasing have made that difficult for me at times.
It certainly does take some digging for me! I’m glad God is working on us!
Heather, thanks for your transparency.
I’m struggling with a little pride issue right now myself. It always helps to know we aren’t alone.
I’m also thankful that Gods whispered, trust me, I’ve got this!
Yes, I’m trying to listen to that whisper, too. He is good, and He definitely is to be trusted!