Provision

Though I might have little faithfulness, He always has great faithfulness.

Lately, we have had several big items come up that we’ve had to purchase–three new tires, a replacement for our broken dryer, a blender (ok, not technically a very big item, but another appliance nonetheless), and other diddly things that have eaten away at our savings account.  These things (and there’s more coming), plus the thought of the education debt we have, have been a test for me.  Will I trust God to take care of me and my finances as He always has before?  Or will I fear?  I tried to trust, but really I spent more time in fear.

Hasn’t He taught me over and over to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7)?  Don’t I know this lesson so well that I can rattle this verse off no problem (usually in a combination of two versions, but pretty close, anyway)?  Don’t I quote this verse in many contexts at many times?  I’ve learned in the past that “with thanksgiving” in this verse is key.  If I ask Him for help when I start to worry, and I trust Him by thanking Him while I do it, I really do find that unsurpassing peace.  How can I be going back to this one again?  I think God, while reminding me of the old lesson that I obviously don’t have completely down yet, had a new lesson for me this time.

After all these money issues, I came home from an outing with my kids to discover that the power had been out (once again–I can’t believe how often the power goes out in my town).  I went to set the clocks as usual when I discovered that the oven clock was not blinking–it was just blank, black.  I pushed some buttons with no effect and then decided to try turning the oven on to make sure it worked.  Nothing.  Ten minutes later, nothing.  I discovered that the stovetop worked, but the oven stayed cold.  Here we go again, I thought–another major appliance.

The next morning, during my morning prayer time, I asked God to help us with the oven, and I told Him that I would choose to trust Him with our money and our debt.  During my kids’ nap time, my devotion time, I listened to a sermon on prayer (10/23) by my pastor, Rick Dunn.  In that sermon, he points out the importance of being honest with God during prayer by expressing our emotions to Him as well as our petitions.  As soon as the sermon finished, I prayed that same morning prayer again, this time confessing to God that although I wanted to trust Him with our finances, I was scared He wouldn’t come through for us, and I asked that He would help me trust Him.

Later that night, I took Mr. C to Awana and went shopping with Little E, and when we returned, the first thing I noticed when we came into the kitchen was that the oven light was blinking.  Of course, I checked the oven, which immediately started heating up–the only explanation I have for why it started working again is that God made it do so at that time.  I was so excited, I forgot to turn the kitchen light on (forcing my kids, who are afraid of the dark, to stay in the laundry room) and just started praising God right then over and over–“God, You are so GOOD to me!”  Clayton said after a little bit of this, “But you aren’t so good to us because you won’t turn the light on!”

He’s right.  I’m not so good, but HE IS!