My Kids Making Me Laugh

by Heather Bock

Sweet JP was snuggling with me. I kissed his head, but it was time for him to take a bath; it smelled a little bad. I said, “I love you, but you’re a little bit on the smelly side.” He scrambled over me to my other side, saying, “Ok! I’ll sit on your other side!”

Me: Why didn’t you go to the bathroom at home? I don’t like going in the dirty park bathrooms!
Little E: We can go in the portal potty!
Actually, I think going in a portal might not be any better.

As I was running, a bug flew right to the back of my throat. I told my kids when I arrived home that the little thing didn’t even know what had hit him. Mr C said, “Poor bug.” JP responded, “Poor Mama!”

Mr. C always has stories to tell about his 4th grade Sunday School class. Last Sunday was no different. He told me that three boys in his class have hot girlfriends. Greg asked him, “When are you going to get a hot girlfriend?” He indignantly replied, “No way!” As I started to try to learn more about these “hot girlfriends,” he clarified for me: “That means the girlfriends are angry all the time!”

JP is getting better and better at math, even though he’s only in Kindergarten. We were at Arby’s one Sunday when he remarked, “This is a 7 store.” I couldn’t figure out what he was referring to, and I looked around for the number 7 but couldn’t find one anywhere. I asked him, “Where do you see that?” He pointed to a sign on the window that was advertising 2 crispy fish sandwiches for $5. He said, “See…the 2 and the 5 make 7!”

Here’s more evidence that JP loves numbers. He also tries to use them to his advantage. I told him that it would be 15 minutes before Grandma and Papa were to arrive. He said, “Well, 15 is a 5 and a 1, and 5 and 1 is 6, so it’s 6 minutes until they get here!”

Maybe my homeschooling is not going so well. I took my kids to iJump, a trampoline park. Afterwards, my daughter had an epiphany in the car. She exclaimed, “I know why they call it iJump!” I responded, “Because “I…jump?” With enthusiasm, Little E said, “Yeah!”

JPisms:
squished potatoes = mashed potatoes
I’m stirsty = I’m thirsty
astroy = destroy
amember = remember
Batman Rouge = Baton Rouge
two-th = second
‘spoder one (exploder one) = puffer fish

Me: How did your chess tournament go?
Mr. C: Great! I learned a new chess move that helped me win a game. Let me show you on my board!
Me: I don’t know anything about chess. It wouldn’t mean anything to me.
Mr. C, looking at me seriously: Mama, you can’t always fall back on the medals you won with running a long time ago.

I think we need to work on JP’s compassion. Whenever we hear an ambulance go by, we stop and pray for the person being carried by that vehicle, for the workers trying to help, and for the family members who might be scared. After one passed when JP was four, and we had prayed, JP said, “Do you want a lot of people on this planet?” I wondered what he meant, and I asked, “You mean, I’m praying for someone not to die?” JP made himself clear that he thought this earth is already too crowded and would be happier if there were one less by saying, “I don’t want lots of people on this planet because I bonk into them!”

I don’t know about Little E and some of her compliments. They start out nice…”Your eyes are the butterfly’s wings. Your frown lines are its antenna. Your nose is its bottomen (abdomen).”

JP: I want the poof ball (cotton ball) for my animals.
Me: Actually, I need it.
JP: Why? For your bras?